11 strategies for controlling your nerves during intense arguments

Whether it was a simple discussion about who was his role in disposing of the garbage, or an important conversation about who should work on Friday i

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Whether it was a simple discussion about who was his role in disposing of the garbage, or an important conversation about who should work on Friday instead of taking time off to spend time with the family, or it was an investigation of who was responsible for the mistake that led to a major crisis with the family. 

Whether it is an argument with a husband, a friend, a co-worker, or another important person, matters can be resolved calmly or the argument escalates to severing relations and calling the police sometimes.

Here are some tips and strategies so you have a better chance of staying calm during important and intense discussions:

Focus on what the other intended:

According to the Science Explorer study, Instead of automatically taking everything personally, try to figure out what the other person is really trying to say. It may be easy to lose focus amid accusations or bad words, but stepping back and seeing the bigger picture may help you gain a better understanding of the other person’s point of view. This will help you to respond in a more logical way instead of responding to your accusations and angry words.

Do not raise your voice:

The level of your voice can make all the difference in an intense debate.  It seems very simple and easy when you know that problems and differences can be solved in a low or calm voice. I advise couples who are constantly shouting at each other to communicate only with a whisper, and this will greatly reduce the presence of anger in their relationships”.

Pay attention to your posture:

Your body language can make a big difference in an argument. Maintain a balanced posture and avoid aggressive body language such as crossing your arms, clenching your fists, or tapping your feet. Hostile body language can suggest offending the other person, even if that is not your intention.

Take a deep breath:

Deep breathing can calm you down. Try to breathe slower and deeper than you normally would.  Taking a deep breath, counting to ten or having a glass of water generates a “moment of choice” that enables us to choose what to do, or saying it after that consciously.

Get out of discussion quickly:

You know yourself and your body better than anyone else, so once you feel stressed and your thoughts start to boil, walk away.

It is good to be advised that even when your anger is at level 3 on a scale of 1-10, by the time you pass 4 it will become more difficult to let go of an argument. You’ll be determined to make your point, and stubbornness will take you away from comfort.

Think of something quiet or funny:

After the disagreement, it is better to think of something that will make you laugh out loud or help calm you down. We suggests closing your eyes and imagining yourself on the beach, or anything that will give your mind a break from angry feelings and restore your body’s sense of calm.

Do not insert different discussions:

“Focus on one issue during the discussion, or it’ll burden your mind with overthinking,” This process is called “storing” or raising issues from the past to use when needed. Deal with one problem every time you get into a discussion. If there are problems from the past that are not over yet, solve them again. Discussing several different issues at once will definitely increase your chances of losing your temper.

Take a Break

Try to stop a little bit when you find yourself amid a heated conversation. Take a break of 20 minutes to think and get back to the table after you’re ready, you’ll find that you can deal with the problem better, and quite a bit too, if the problem is not resolved immediately.

Abuse is never allowed

Abuse is not allowed, and this includes verbal abuse and any type of violence including closing doors or breaking things. If it escalates to this level, then you need to leave the place.

Don’t let him lead you

If your partner tries to lure you into an argument, simply don’t fall for it. Some people like to argue because it gives them a temporary feeling of strength and fulfilment. Avoid indulging in satisfying their need for attention of this kind.

No matter how provocative or confused you are by someone else, we can learn to manage ourselves.

Listen to your body

When you are angry, your body releases chemicals that may cause you to react in ways that can be damaging to you and your relationship with the other person. Learn to understand your feelings and how the anger process affects you physically and emotionally.

It can be difficult to think of all of these brain-calming techniques in the midst of a heated debate, but the practice makes perfect. If you ended up boiling over during a discussion or argument, try to think about it next and think about times when you could have used one of these tips to stay calm.